Wednesday, June 10, 2015

A Bed Too Large

His side of the bed
Lies empty and forlorn
My side has a broken heart
And a body that’s worn

His side had a man
Who held my hand while we slept
Who made me feel safe
And wiped every tear that I wept

Our vows were forever
‘Til death do us part
The bed seems so huge
Like the hole in my heart

So I cry myself to sleep
And I cry myself awake
To be strong another day
Until my soul He doth take.
(Rita Shimniok 6-11-15)

My first thought every night (or early morning) when I crawl in to bed is how big the bed is without Jesse. It does not matter that it had been empty for months as the sciatica kept him from lying in our bed, we both thought he would be back in it and we could love and cuddle one another once again.

Bit was not a part of the bigger plan. I do not question our holistic treatment. I do question how one man could have so many medical issues thrown on him all at once, and I do get angry and ask, no, scream, WHY?!!!!!!  I curse Satan and yell at it - Jesse did not waiver in his faithfulness, and God brought him Home. Like Job, Jesse's victory through death prevailed.

Jesse and I prayed many times for this journey not to pass without learning from it. We learned much, about each other, about God, the darkness in this world, and the love that binds a couple together through the worst of times. Our eyes were opened.

As I rise up to this day, my eyes will continue to be open to the lessons yet to come, and they will continue to shed tears for the emptiness in my bed.


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